If Your Loved One Is Dying, Go See Them... Before It's Too Late

Maude Plunkett: A Lesson in Service

One of the reasons my wife and I moved from Arizona to Atlanta was that we had some family here. After our honeymoon to Hawaii, we packed up everything and moved to Atlanta. My great-grandmother, Maude Plunkett, lived here. She was 99. I had never met her before, though I knew about her. I got to visit her shortly before we moved here, which was the first time I ever had the opportunity to actually meet my great-grandmother on my mother's side of the family.

She actually ended up living another 10 years, dying just weeks before her 110th birthday, which was also right when our son was about to be born. She passed away, and then our son was born just weeks after that moment.

The day she died was a unique and unexpected experience for me. My wife had a providential prod; she just had this sense that today was the day. She said we needed to go see my great-grandmother because if we didn't go today, we wouldn't get the chance to do it later. I'd spent about a decade with my great-grandmother and her wonderful daughter, my great aunt Judy, who took care of her during those last years of her life.

We could have waited. We could have said, "Well, we'll go tomorrow or we'll go later." But if we had, we would have missed that opportunity because that night was the night she died. This was just a few hours before that would have happened. If we hadn't acted on my wife Cait's intuition and moved immediately, we would have missed this opportunity to see my great-grandmother in her final moments. By going, I was given a gift.

The Gift of Witnessing

If you've ever seen someone in those last moments, you know what it can be like. My great-grandmother was just weeks before 110, and you might be able to imagine how much time can do to the human body. She was on the edge of death.

My great aunt Judy, who took care of her so well, knew that when you are close to death, your saliva stops, and your mouth becomes dry, which is a very uncomfortable feeling. My great aunt Judy had a little sponge. She would wet it and then put it inside my great-grandmother's mouth to moisten it up for her.

It was a striking moment that made me think of Christ on the cross. It was a visceral connection to that moment on the cross, where I saw what it was like for Jesus in that moment, and also what it was like to serve someone in that position of vulnerability, suffering, and on the edge of death. My great aunt Judy, my great-grandmother's daughter, was just embodying this love and service to her mom in the last moment.

I'm working on my third book, From the Garden to the Cross. This moment was so striking that I've decided to include it in the book. Before I read the passage that relates to my great-grandmother and my great aunt, I want to give you the scene that's happening on the cross. This is what I call "Crossing the Chasm."

Crossing the Chasm

At noon, a total blackout of darkness blocked the sun and fell over the area for three hours. Jesus did not speak during the dark. But at 3:00 in the afternoon, he cried out with a loud voice, "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?"

Those still standing nearby responded, "See, he's calling for Elijah."

Knowing his work was now finished and scripture fulfilled, Jesus spoke once more: "I am thirsty."

An observer ran to a nearby jar of sour wine. They soaked a sponge with wine, attached it to a hip branch, and lifted the sponge up to Jesus' mouth to drink. Other observers spoke as this occurred: "Let's see if Elijah comes to save him."

After receiving that sour wine, Jesus spoke, "It is finished."

With a loud cry, Jesus exerted his final words with his last breath: "Father, into your hands I entrust my spirit." Jesus bowed his head, giving up his spirit.

The temple curtain of the sanctuary was ripped in half down the middle from the top to the bottom as an earthquake shook the land and rocks were split. The tombs of the people and saints who fell asleep were raised when their tombs were opened.

The overseen centurion standing across witnessed Jesus' final breath and felt the earthquake. He proceeded to glorify God by speaking the following to those remaining: "Truly, this man was righteous and the Son of God."

The gathering crowds watched the spectacle, beat their chests before going home when they witnessed what unfolded. But all who knew Jesus remained, following from Galilee to Jerusalem. The serving women had watched everything unfold from a distance. Among them were Mary Magdalene, Mary Clopas, ¹and Mary Salome. They were steadfastly serving.

All We Can Do Is Trust

That's what's happening on the cross. I have a commentary where I bring in the story of my great-grandmother and my great aunt. This section is called "All We Can Do Is Trust."

I've got an unexpected connection to this moment of thirst on the cross. One of the factors that drove our choice to move from Arizona to Atlanta was my great-grandmother, Maude Plunkett, and her daughter, my mom's aunt Judy.

When we moved here in 2005, my great-grandmother was 99. A little over 10 years later, she was finally about to meet her maker. On her final day on earth, my wife Cait had a sense that we should go visit her today as the end was nearing. So, we went to my aunt Judy's house. I arrived to see my great-grandmother, Maude Plunkett, lying in her deathbed. Her body had broken down, and her legs were distinctly decayed.

Close to death, her mouth was not making saliva, and the dryness was irritating her. This is a common occurrence for those in the final process of dying. Unlike the mocking people around Christ, my great aunt Judy, one of the most loving people in the world, dipped a sponge in water and patted her mouth down to moisten it while I held my great-grandmother's helpless and dying hand.

For a moment, I saw Jesus in his utter vulnerability and my great-grandmother, and through the servant heart and actions of my great aunt who had diligently taken care of her for many years. It is in this place of complete dependency that all we can do is trust. That is what it means to be human. That is the foundation on which our life must be based.

It was a powerful moment, and one that I'm grateful to have been a part of.

Great Uncle Norman: Saying Goodbye

I had countless memories over the years during the 10 years we lived in Atlanta with my great-grandmother and my great aunt Judy. I also had the great opportunity to spend time with my great uncle, Uncle Norman Plunkett.

I started to develop a connection with my great-uncle Norman via email, even before I met him. He was always a joker, and eventually he sent me The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy as a graduation gift. Those were relationship seeds he planted that eventually influenced us in deciding to move to Atlanta.

When we moved here, not only were my great-grandmother and great aunt, who lived together, a sanctuary for the journey we were on, but my great uncle Norman, my mom's uncle, lived down the street from my great-grandmother. It was an extension of connecting with family that I had never connected with, and now I had a chance to spend my life with them.

During the almost 20 years that we've been here now, we spent a lot of time at my great uncle Norman's house.

My great-grandmother passed away almost a decade ago, and my great-uncle Norman passed away about two years ago in October. Like my great-grandmother's last day, my wife had a serendipitous intuition, a providential prod: "This might be the last time we get to see him, so we should go." And we acted on it. We went and saw him that day.

He was not doing very well either. We decided to bring all of our kids with us. We didn't want to shield them from death, from seeing him suffering. We wanted them to have the opportunity to say goodbye. We all shuffled into his little apartment and into his room, where he was staying.

Like my great aunt Judy, his son Chris was steadfastly taking care of his father in those last few months when he was struggling. He had to have his leg amputated, and his health declined very rapidly after that surgery.

This was the day that he was going to pass away later that evening, and Cait had that sense, "Let's go see him." So we stopped by. He was having a good moment. We spent about an hour talking with him, being with him. The kids got to see him. We got to say goodbye. We had that moment with him—a moment to see him and a moment to see everyone who was serving him.

The Christian Perspective on Death

That's my encouragement to you. If you get nothing else out of this video, if you have someone that you love and that you know, go see them. You may not have a chance. The gift that you get from seeing them may be something that you cherish for the rest of your life.

I'm talking about death here, and it's going to bring up a lot of feelings for everyone. But I'm a Christian, and one of the things that it means to be a Christian is that we believe that Jesus overcame death. Jesus died on the cross, but the end of the story isn't that he died. The end of the story is that he was resurrected.

As Christians, we can mourn the death of someone because that person has been removed from our lives, and we should. But as a Christian, we can also celebrate that death because death is not the end. It's their passing away from this life into the next. God created humans to be with him. That's what it means to be at home. When we die, we have the opportunity to spend eternity with God if we embrace the life of Jesus, the work he did on the cross, and the resurrecting power that lives in us.

We can celebrate my great-grandmother's passing. We can celebrate my great-uncle Norman's passing. Despite their imperfections, God doesn't see them through that brokenness. He sees them through the perfection of Jesus.

It's a wonderful opportunity for us to lean into and embrace death, not to be scared of it. Once we recognize that Jesus has overcome death and has given us life beyond death, then that fear is something that we can train out of ourselves. We need not fear because we can have courage.

When we are ultimately dependent—and death is where we are ultimately dependent—we are trusting that God has got us, that Jesus is going to catch us in that fall.

If that's something you're interested in, I'd encourage you to explore it further. Grab your Bible and pull out the New Testament. Pick the book of Luke. Start reading. Learn about Jesus's story.

Two Takeaways

I share these stories and this message with you because I want you to take away two things from this video:

1. Go see them now. If you have someone in your life right now that you need to go see, whose life is coming to an end, go see them. Go now. Stop waiting. Don't wait. I want you to have that story where you got to see them. I don't want you to have the story where you missed that opportunity.

2. Live an intentional life. I want you to live the type of life where you have the type of relationship and spend the type of time you do with the people that you love and the people that you know, so that you have an abundance of memories that accrue over time. You should take advantage of those opportunities every single day along the way. Live the life you want to live with the people you love and care about. Figure out ways to make those happen. Plan those events and gatherings.

I encourage you to go see that person.